Shame's Many Faces

Hello Divergents!

In this week's weekly voice message volley, she followed up about what I mentioned about recent learnings.

I mentioned: "I'm learning about shame and the different forms it takes in my life, because of course, it doesn't just come out as SHAME. It always wears a mask."

She inquired: "I'm curious what shame looks like for you. What are you noticing?"

Well, I'm a verbal processor and this is absolutely a processing question. Anything new is not yet automated, and thus requires processing.

Normally, I would just hop into a voice message and see what comes out, and I will still do that with that dear one. And, I feel prompted to begin here exploring in writing. I sense it will slow down the processing, while allowing me to have a record of it, and also to share it.

I'm learning that I'm good at and/or called to show the process of things - the process of life - as best I can, wandering through my way.

So how does shame disguise itself in this middle-aged woman's life?

Shame is present any time I feel like I need to shrink, to become smaller, to hide.

It is present when I think of a litany of bad or judging things about someone else.

It is present when I lose hope of deep connection and companionship.

It is present when someone's rejection of me signifies to me that I am too much, or not enough.

It is present when I have social anxiety.

It is present when I am afraid to share or create art.

It is present when I don't tell someone how I really feel.

It is present when I don't ask for what I want or need.

It is present when I am suffering and I don't ask for help.

It is present in unhealed wounds from family and former friends that I can't or haven't let go of.

Sometimes it's present when I look in the mirror or the thoughts I say to myself or the things I do to others or don't do for others.

It is present in the compliment I withhold.

It is present in the eye aversion and smile-less expressions.

It is present in the heartbreak that I don't feel I'll outlive.

It is present when I'm at a party, or mixer, or making a new friend.

It's there when I compare.

All this and I feel I'm just getting started, just scratching the surface.

All this points to the power of self-love, self-kindness, and self-compassion to defuse and bring life and peace into these situations. 

All this shows how self-care can heal.

Put on your oxygen mask, Beloveds.

Put on your oxygen mask, Elle.

May you always see the blessing.

-esb

1. How does shame show up in your life?

2. How aware are you of shame in your life?

3. How aware are you of shame in the lives of others?

4. What is an attainable means for you to practice self-compassion, -love, and -kindness today?

I’d love to hear from you. How are you? In what ways are you diverging? How is life landing for you?